Last year on this day 23 August 2017 you left all of us on the serene evening when the sun was setting the whole day more precisely the previous 24 hours you did not eat anythig not even a drop of water . nor did you lie down even for a while..you simply sat without any support or sleep..when I was sitting by your side till mid night and then started dozing off and slept on the cot near you hardly I knew that was the last night with you never to return in this birth..At 3 am when I got up you signalled by sign that I shoud go to hall and sleep and the youngest was with you ..
the next day.-your last day the marginal day by sheer quirk of fate I forgot your pain and i do not cogently remember..good thing was the second one was sensible to take leave and all the three daughters and three grand children were there to get the vibration from your saintly solitude ,all the time folding your hand to go away...you were particular that the grand children must be at a distance.
In the whole marital life of 45 years you never did question my flirtation with my girl friend economics and my unintended indifference or distance or the total irresponsibility on the family front or the children's educational front ..everything seems to be like a dream...It also happened on your last day..I was in the hall editing the paper on economic security, to be sent for publication...
Just few valuable minutes before your departure The younger one shouted appa or daddy, I abandoned the lap top rushed in only to.. find you gasping for breath. leaning on the youngest.In a matter of minutes you were gone ...
oh my dear what did you feel the whole day? did you know the end was nearing ? you saw to it that the grand children should not be around at that time ..You did not also want me to bottle up memories on the last day of your existence, giving space to children .A professor who lectured day in and day out on the concept of margin and the value of your marginal life by the very same subject with which he was romancing on that day,,.
The Annamaliyar whom you were looking at with saintly and stoic face is now on my table ..I had a full cry many times ,typing every few words...thank you my Rani Kala rani and my kalavathy who became kala Natesan that you wrote one day with smile in the final months of your life and I respected your inner suppressed feelings for your dad...
Thank you for all the things you have done for me and your children and grand children,by leading a frugal life with all cultured norms and hospitality shown to many including my students many of them , most of them are my friends and more like a son who will at least think about me for a while when I am gone and it is a million dollar question whether we can meet..we all miss you remember you some time cry and console we did not want to give advertisement in the paper ... that amount we are earmarking for feeding the poor at Jipmer complex and Arun has been informed about this.....
you have shown me how to live and how to die .
The paper I wrote last year may come now That will always remind me that it was nurtured when you were making a departure, giving me a feeling of guilt ..Mind is not wandering behind walking beauty or the rising sun .
I am able to hear your voice..Let my husband work he has not got his due yet he will be happy only when reads and throw away all the debris accumulated since 70...The degrading desires have vanished walking is becoming a habit..visiting temple when I am taken craving for food has gone..Fish is the only temptation which I want to hold on because of karmic good desire..I tell many a time now Kala do you know How much I loved you...whenever i go for walk alone....
I will change for the better I am bold and confident Arjun says do not cry and do not worry I am here thatha to take care I thank the almighty to complete this in the morning hours
the next day.-your last day the marginal day by sheer quirk of fate I forgot your pain and i do not cogently remember..good thing was the second one was sensible to take leave and all the three daughters and three grand children were there to get the vibration from your saintly solitude ,all the time folding your hand to go away...you were particular that the grand children must be at a distance.
In the whole marital life of 45 years you never did question my flirtation with my girl friend economics and my unintended indifference or distance or the total irresponsibility on the family front or the children's educational front ..everything seems to be like a dream...It also happened on your last day..I was in the hall editing the paper on economic security, to be sent for publication...
Just few valuable minutes before your departure The younger one shouted appa or daddy, I abandoned the lap top rushed in only to.. find you gasping for breath. leaning on the youngest.In a matter of minutes you were gone ...
oh my dear what did you feel the whole day? did you know the end was nearing ? you saw to it that the grand children should not be around at that time ..You did not also want me to bottle up memories on the last day of your existence, giving space to children .A professor who lectured day in and day out on the concept of margin and the value of your marginal life by the very same subject with which he was romancing on that day,,.
The Annamaliyar whom you were looking at with saintly and stoic face is now on my table ..I had a full cry many times ,typing every few words...thank you my Rani Kala rani and my kalavathy who became kala Natesan that you wrote one day with smile in the final months of your life and I respected your inner suppressed feelings for your dad...
Thank you for all the things you have done for me and your children and grand children,by leading a frugal life with all cultured norms and hospitality shown to many including my students many of them , most of them are my friends and more like a son who will at least think about me for a while when I am gone and it is a million dollar question whether we can meet..we all miss you remember you some time cry and console we did not want to give advertisement in the paper ... that amount we are earmarking for feeding the poor at Jipmer complex and Arun has been informed about this.....
you have shown me how to live and how to die .
The paper I wrote last year may come now That will always remind me that it was nurtured when you were making a departure, giving me a feeling of guilt ..Mind is not wandering behind walking beauty or the rising sun .
I am able to hear your voice..Let my husband work he has not got his due yet he will be happy only when reads and throw away all the debris accumulated since 70...The degrading desires have vanished walking is becoming a habit..visiting temple when I am taken craving for food has gone..Fish is the only temptation which I want to hold on because of karmic good desire..I tell many a time now Kala do you know How much I loved you...whenever i go for walk alone....
I will change for the better I am bold and confident Arjun says do not cry and do not worry I am here thatha to take care I thank the almighty to complete this in the morning hours
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