I wonder how I have been lived through with all my naivety inherited from mother

We don’t expect a miracle to save .People go through life wondering what they are suppose to do when it is always right in front of them .They should do what they are good at. Instead of dreaming and worrying about many things that they can’t accomplish, they must attempt to chew those things which are manageable. Although we know that everyone will get his moment, and that we need not worry about many things by sheer human nature many a time we complicate simple things and also tend to postpone those things which need to be addressed immediately. I have paid a heavy price in my life by not taking proper care of both domestic and financial life. By sheer fate and destiny- sorry simple stupidity and incapacity to sort out my priorities. lacking smartness and diplomacy and so on , I messed up many things in life.

The great consolation was that my mother lived for a long time and more important she spent her last decade of her life with me. She was always never tired of her work. Till the end her hard work alone sustained her life. She never complained about life, she never slept during day time especially after taking lunch. She lived her life fully, energetically, emotionally and may a time naively with God given serenity and wisdom. Only towards the end of her life I was patient, calm and understanding. I should have treated her well and given more to her. Her life itself was an education to me. My education was useless for my life except to get a passport to lead a comfortable life in academic corridors with some commitment of course towards societal causes. Strong parental genes have kept me in good stead amidst financial loss and domestic chaos. Economics, as my first love has always served as an anchor.

God’s smallest plan had aplenty, for one who did not even know how to dream ‘Big’ in life.

When I was a student in a college and later as Assistant Professor in many colleges of Union territory of Pondicherry,I never thought that one day I would ever enter into a university as a faculty. I hardly ever had any ambitious dream in my life. Everything in my life came just like that. Good parents, entry into primary school at a very very young age, double promotion soon after that , in the very standard first,fantastic school education , thanks to one great headmaster and his team of teachers, good education at undergraduate and post graduate levels in two coastal towns of south India , a descent job as Assistant professor soon after the completion of education, early marriage, two precious daughters, in a span of three years, who were later outsmarted by another girl, born a decade after, M.Phil, PhD pursuits at the prestigious Gokhale Institute, I can go on and on.

Because of those three letters P, H, and D, that I could obtain aftr a great time lag I could not resist myself or rather say ‘No’ to my student colleague, who wanted me to apply for the university job. Because of that I find myself now in one of the fastest growing universities, which wants to become a world class university !? A charming wife and three beautiful daughters were the bonus of my life and wages of my labor in my previous birth. Life was pleasant and ugly, blissful and mysterious, hot and cold, invigorating and frustrating, but they all belong to yesterday’s yesterday. When I look back and ruminate over all the good things that have chained me, I can only remember an interesting quote; “Even God’s smallest plan for us is bigger than any dream we could ever hope for.” Gentlemen of the jury, please remember I hardly had any dream and the benevolent supreme had a master plan for me and I could smell it and feel its sound when I got the coveted first rank in my higher education. I am thankful to the Lord for all the blessings and failings in life.

“Oh Unmerciful God! Thank you” –V

Will you take care of me?

My Lord, the savior of the world!

Besides seeing him in work,

I will also see his eternal youth,

And internalize his

Cool academic brilliance,

In the eyes of his children,

Immersing my thought process

In every molecule of their cells,

Their gestures and articulations and

Their smiles and action packed moments

Their innocent laughter, deep

Memory filled with his image

Their inner longing to hold father’s

Hand and step on the sea shore

Play, make fun and do shopping

Will remind my man, always

In wakeful state and dreamy lands.

Finally a request my Lord!

You have taken away life’s

Precious gift- my man, my love.

You may have your own valid reason

In taking back your valuable Treasure.

Who am I to question your wisdom?

But kindly remember

He was my life, my love and music to my soul

Without his presence and warmth

I have very little life left;

Soul is also just flickering;

To see my children grow

And see them settle down in life,

You must infuse fresh lease of life

Into my life by calming my nerves

My agitated mind and all the

Anxious thoughts.

To get enough strength everyday

To enjoy enough sleep everyday

In order to carry on my work

And render work ethics

Will you help bless me with a

Quiet, deep sleep, at night

A gentle breeze sent from Heaven.

Mr.God, will you at least grant and guarantee this boon

To quiet my mind and fill it

With all the pleasant thoughts of

Those memorable days.

Once again I

Thank you for compensating the loss of

My life by enabling me to do real work, at his work place.

For me, there is nothing in the world,

Except to do work, Real Work.

“Oh Unmerciful God! Thank you” -IV

No quarrel with you, my Lord!

When you are playing a game of dice

With the good and the honest,

And unsettle our emotional circuit,

How can we find fault with

Capricious Gods?

My man had more passion, more faith and more

Belief in ‘you’ than in himself

We do not forget all the boons

Showered on those seven years of our early marital existence.

But why should he go very early?

This question has no answer at all.

You will remain quiet and prefer silence.

All said and done, my Lord,

You have showered on me already

A professional passport, a perpetual visa

An incredible CA degree

To sail into another world,

The world where my man

Virtually lived and labored

Breathing with work and work ethics only.

I may not have his great scholarship or spiritually

I may even lack his energetic intelligence and enterprise

But I do possess the basic, sturdy

Solid academic foundation and mental stamina to

Travel into any hi tech world,

The sophisticated world of Business or Banking

Or Insurance. I know, I can

Fit into any high profile life at ease,

With your grace of course, my Lord.

Thank you My Lord!

You have not abandoned me fully.

Once I get engaged with work,

And well connected with work,

And show tangible progress in work,

And succeeed in bringing an adoring and approving

Smile on the face of my boss

A benevolent, kind hearted soul

Sent from Heaven,

To restore our dilapidated financial house

I shall be born afresh,

Something like a new Shakti,

More vibrant like a Sun.

Slowly, gradually, I will

Assimilate myself into the garb

Of a real professional business executive

Of my ardent lover variety.