Mid 2012 Musings –Part II: God will not abandon me on the academic side too

Mid 2012 is also significant in another important respect. The house I built with the help of my parents and H.B.A of Pondicherry government has already completed its Silver jubilee.Indeed Sakthi was born in this new house by sheer quirk of fate- wise and benevolent fate, as was foretold  by an astrologer.  Even before the alliance was fixed, the renovation work had started in the ground floor without giving serious consideration to the financial implication  of the reconstruction process .Kindly note that the building was as strong as the sturdy heart of my parents and mine too. So it was not due to lack of strength or elegance, a remodeling had to be done  but there was fundamentally wrong with the management of space . Without blaming anyone it was just my stupidity and lack of dreaming capacity which resulted in that kind of shelter, under which I did not get peace for long. What can you expect from a person like me, who became a father of two daughters at an immature age of just twenty five? It is better late than never, to correct one’s own mistake.For everything in life there is a tradeoff .Now, by paying a small price in terms of few lakhs ,my children will get the comforts and convenience of the semi luxury of the art of modern construction , looking good  by just changing the tiles .

Will it make people really happy and be at peace with themselves? Never. But the house will not be blamed for one’s own stupid act or failings in life hence forward. In the last leg of my journey in life, the stupid mind thinks about constructing a room above for doing meditation on the subject, fully aware that weakness, loss of memory and of course the tiredness pervading the entire body will not be of much help in repairing my academic side and consolidating the reconstruction there. But there is a lingering faint hope that God will not abandon me on the academic side too and with the help of some friendly souls floating around me , even while living I can and I should see some of the writings in print or in the blog .  When I write these lines I think about the debate between Sydney Alexadr and Macullum on devaluation question, Lawson Metzler interpretation about the insulation of stable economy under exogenous disturbances under the regime of floating, my uneasiness with Samuelson’s way of correcting Hume’s Mechanism, Shallowness of economic reforms in India , Chiese Yuvan’s mischief of under valuation,deepening Euro zone crisis, the U.S economy  and the dollar as the main villain in the evolution of International financial architecture , the relevance or irrelevance of Keynes in today’s world, secular tendency of rupee to depreciate leading to chaos, rising gold price, the venality of corruption , deepening political uncertainty in the largest democracy on  the Earth, irresponsible and indifferent attitudes towards  economics by the rulers,  the need to understand the writings of Paul Krugman , rekindling the memories of Harry G.Johnson and Jaon Robinsn  to current breed of students  and so on . The list is long and varied and I have so many miles to walk after retirement. But there is always a feeling of inadequacy and frustratingly irritating experience of not having done many things earlier. In any case, even if I don’t and can’t write more, I will read .This is just to console me and live with out getting into any kind of depression.

Mid 2012 Musings –Part I: Happiest moment in my life

Mid 2012 seems to be the most momentous period in my life. Nothing significant is taking place on the academic side but most compensatory variation in Hickshian sense is taking place on the domestic side. Of course this is the usual routine thing that a responsible father needs to do at a right time.  Kindly believe me, this routine inevitable event which will delink my treasure has made me more happy than ever before . It is not that I have not had many joyous moments to share and remember and of course savor all through my career.

What is that I am referring to ? Some of my student friends and of course Sakthi’s friends are already aware of the event  scheduled to take place around mid June. Yes! my youngest daughter, my treasure , my love , my friend , my savior and ambassador sent from heavens like a gentle breeze has been engaed now  and the marriage ceremony  is scheduled to take place on 14th June at Subba Lakshmi Hall, situated on the main Mahatma Gandhi Road at Muthyalpet. Thre reception is on the evening of 13 th June at the same venue.  

The question of finding out a right life partner – be it a  spontaneous love and chemistry leading to marriage or an arranged marriage, eventually blossoming into an all time full fledged love affair is as difficult as finding out the right equilibrium real exchange rate for an open economy like India .

Milton Friedman  was asked once “ What is the right equilibrium exchange rate  between U.S Dollar and Japanese Yen?”He merely replied with tremendous honesty, “I don’t Know!” Suppose you ask me, “which is the happiest moment in your life?”,in the same vein I can reply honestly , with a little bit dramatization as follows. “My academic distinctions at both under graduate and post graduate level intimidated me more than making happy. The prolonged journey towards my Ph.D destination under the benevolent goading of an young scholar from Hyderabad Central University, of course gave me peace which I deserved, given my chaotic life. Showering of financial fortune by Bank of Mathura and late entry into university after quarter century of service, stumbling upon Head ship and the much coveted Deanship towards the fag end of my career- all gave some semblance of joy and stability but the defining, happiest moment in my life came when the young ones were allowed to meet in the first floor in a non- A.C room in the hot summer month interact and to know each other. Subsequently when the green signal was given by both and family members on either side who had already expressed their consent. In  a typical Sangham literature Kurundhogai poem,every things evolved and the result was ,I spent a sleepless night with joy and happiness which I deserve to enjoy and I was  fresh the  next day morning.

Shall I pray to the supreme sleeping in heavens, with confidence and conviction that I have an optimistic heightened expectation that Sakthi’s marriage will provide more sakthi (power) and more stability to the families on both sides. Let God give them the wisdom to measure their steps and be in perpetual friendship and love while wading through the marital waters

Again a Letter?

I don not know how to start this letter excpet to say that, I am Sorry ! Will it solve your problem? Will it serve as a medicine to heal your cumulative wounds over the ages and centuries? I see some of my resemblances in you. Is that the reason that I had been not adequately understood by you ? But no anger , no regret in life , gentlemen or gentle women , I will respond with a smile. No more confrontation or quarrel , except to blast my patriotric country . Am I not a reformed or a refined person now ? Yes or No ? gentlemen , beware of the devilish spirit shaking you and molesting you beyond repair .

I will not go back to my old world of emotion and emotion only .Now I will fuse it with intelligence and carefully accumulated wisdom flowing from my failings in the past and ofcourse many mistakes.

All of us want love and joy, peace and patience .We want to be kind and good .we expect more gnetleness and more faithfulness from others. But are you practicing it? Let us try to shun anger and cultivate more self control. Gift of love is all important and we must believe in it. Nothing is more fulfilling than Love itself. When you are sorrounded by love and friendliness we only need to see them and internalise them.

A Letter?

You are angry with me. Perhaps you have disapponting in me .But in our mind we cannot abandon each other .Indeed amidst all anguished anger there was more love overflowing.

Do you know one thing ?while people don’t like each other and love is compeltely dried up , they still co-exist together and live together , tolerate each other .Yes this is how they have been ordained given the culture of the soil ,brought up by the family and ofcourse the genes over generations .

You have every right to be angry with me. Indeed you alone can have more anger because you are more closer. I also know that more anger on the other side must imply nil anger from this side. The sinple logic of life is that , one must nurture one’s own patience all the time ,in order that one can escape or rather gloss over the hate arrows , which might hit either at home or office . They cannot hit me and kill me, peace me. I have many more things to do in this life but develish thoughts and images dominate .So they must exit .For that to happen , the divine has to make miracle.

Some recent writings – Inspired by reading some novel :We are together and we will be together

A saying goes like this, “Some times or many a time for reasons that are always not clear, marriages just don’t workout.” During my trip to Europe (2009 end) , I was traveling from Paris to Augsburg in Germany by a fast moving train .My co-passenger was a young French girl of my third daughter’s age . While conversing, she told, “My parents loved for twenty five years but they got married only five years back .” In Western countries too marriages work although living relationship sometimes serve as a launch pad. How can we forget the mother who has given the greatest gifts to me and through them, two grand daughters.

For more than three decades we were together, a real relationship, no quarrel, no abusive language but every thing looks like a dream now .Still we are together and yet farther from each other .Did we ever remain together? Yes and No could be the correct answer but I still doubt we were together .But all said and done we were together and we are together and we will be together and this is how the supreme has ordained.

I cannot excuse myself for my self imposed isolation

Ever since I fell down on July 22^nd 2011 in the early morning - just a few seconds before getting into the taxi which was waiting for me to move towards Chennai airport, I have not regained my old form. Fortunately , slipping the last step at the bottom of the stairs , did not prove to be fatal , but it immobilized me for some weeks and to some extent dampened my spirits indirectly for so many months . With all the pain I went to Vizag and I was lucky to get treatment from the ablest hand. Addressing the doctors and great personalities in different branches of medicine was a new experience and I enjoyed it thoroughly.Indeed it was one of the pleasant occasions in my life when I was invited by those whom I had not known but I was known to them.

I did not clearly remember how I could waste my time in not writing substantive stuff for long. The great gap, more like a classic divide had emerged in the last so many months that I felt as if I had forgotten the art of writing. By the divine will, the tenure of my Deanship came to an end before the end of 2011 and before that , the deteriorating health condition of the better half , combined with her collapse in a famous temple put me in a different world altogether and I thank the supreme that I have survived and collected myself fully with patience and perseverance and negotiated the turbulent period in my life . The traumatic experience that I have undergone is worth writing like a story or a novel but I lacked both the courage and also the mood to put everything in words.

Relieved from Deanship burdens and rejuvenated by the fastest recovery of my better half , I am in reasonably good shape and I should continue to read and write, not just for the students but beyond that .Let me see to what extent I can do full justice to my subject, classroom lecture and of course my meditations on life and sundry matters.