‘What
really is doubt and what is faith/doubt creates the darkest moments in
our finest hour while faith brings the
finest moments in our darkest hour’, goes a spiritual saying.
I do not
know how many of you have had the darkest hours and or solid faith.I know I am a doubting Thomas
and I did not have much romance with temples
but I have had fleeting and flirting relationship with the superior
plane thanks to my childhood friends. Despite my ambivalence or rather
indifference I had a tremendous faith in the supreme.It might look like a
contradiction but it is not because I am not for rituals and somehow anger
against the creator was always lingering and there is no shyness in admitting
that
When I stood first in BA at Tagore Arts college and state first and
later after 2 years, first class and first rank at Madras presidency College ie
when I was just 20 plus I was sure that
this was the magical realism of the Unseen and the divine had ordained this due
to some cause and effect. Later when so many intricate and unexplainable
problems did crop up I did ask the question why Me ? and wrote many pages of poetry and finally
accepted the pain of reality.
It is not
just academic or financial or domestic matter wherein I had understood the
presence of the destiny ; in the most important teenage period HE saved
me through DR MU VA novels. And
of course good child hood friends were there as protective wings. The
correlation between intelligence and the sensuous side is well known and
fortunately I negotiated the vicious curves and bends on the super highway of
my college life away from village home. Fear and brought up were the insulators
against all seductive influences.very easily I cold have gone astray but The goodness of the universe saved me
like a mother.; and the subject illed the void and it is still saving me
In our group
of five man army at presidency I was the
only shy boy who did not have a girl friend. The other girls used to say .’why
you have brought this samiyar also?”.I took it as a complement then and I
cannot relish it now . It was a plus
point for me at that time but now when I type this I feel rather
reluctantly that I missed something in life. What is so special about a girl
Friend especially at a very young age? Those who were lucky to have
one(applicable to girl also but she will not talk openly but carry the burden
for ever deep into heart) can alone know
this and ruminate over it during old days… I started with doubt and Faith and I feel
that I have been leaning on the latter with experience and ageing process.
Paper on the future of Euro was sent
successfully with the assistance rendered by my research associate who is a
banker in DELHI. Girl or family is insignificant before Macro or monetary. It is not strictly a correct statement as I have
written elsewhere Macro was more like a girl friend in a typical world of fantasy.
My youngest daughter right from day one treated me as her first boy friend
Those who
have treated economics dry and boring subject mistakenly (i wanted to write
foolishly) will curse me and I will take it as a blessing because they only know how love affair with
eco is very difficult to handle and manage!I must thank my better half –the second
wife for having abandoned me in order that I will have more time with
economics.Now tamil is competing with it and both will merit attention. Who says love will come only once?
I request my
FB readers to take the last sentence rather lightly and just laugh away your
problems and for that matter we shall take life as it evolves and not worry too
much because God says : I will share
your burden
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