Saturday, January 15, 2022

The fear of death :written on 21 April 2005 ,corrected on 29/11/2021 after returning from Adelaide and typing today

The theme is not afraid of death, but unwillingness to die.
It was written long ago.Most of my writings are drawn from my life experiences and also centring around the politics and economics behind the corporate driven economy and growing criminality venality and amorality in business, politics, inclusive of acdemics.

Poem
All of us  are destined to die one day, any day
At any time, anywhere by some means,
Natural or accidental,but just inevitable, the only
Certainty in life,...
As a finance minister, confroned with a severe balance of payments crisis and ballooning fiscal deficits can't
avoid a massive devaluation of the currency and can't
choose the timing and the percentage of  devaluation
We too, mere mortals can't have a date with destiny
As per our preference and convenience
Fifteen lakh gold threaded coat and extravagant thousand
Cars culture following the leaders
Will not cannot come to any rescue..

But the other day I didn't want to die,
It was really a strange feeling, a stupid wish, absurd
And I know it is an impossibility theorem
And the inner meaning must have been the deep thought
In the unconscious mind  to leave behind something
Substantial, academically and also  as a person 
Who will abandon the serenity of Pondicherry and 
the seductive influence of economics .

This was triggered by a dream wherein my artist friend
A former student once in TAC ,who had the honesty and 
Sense of humour to say after my   class, on the first day
On transfer from Karaikal, (another conclave of UT),
Sir, I like your heart, and I love you very much,and 
I also love your way of teaching macro, but but
I can't sit in the classroom because we don't have the habit
Of  not sitting in the class continuously.

It is a different story altogether when a prominent writer in 
Pondicherry my friend,for more than for almost four dccades on the beach  was introducing this gentleman
He is a great artist and also worked with Director Bharathiraja and so on my boy with all shyness told my friend :sir he was my professor, in my Third year BA during emergency period much to the embarrassment of
Professor Panju who has been getting a host of awards and also actively engaged in the Tamil literally arena

He only died in my dream, which almost looked real
And cried in the dream and once it dawned upon me
It was all a dream  what a relief it was.
The special bond and inexplicable affinity towards him
Could have triggered the idea, I don't want to die.


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