Is there any one in the cosmos to listen to voiceless people breathing for freedom and dignity

For long Sri Lankan Tamils and Palestinians population

Could not have a torch to pass through their dark

Passages and tormented path...

True there were few leaders with commitment 

And did negotiate the way and ruled for a while

But eventually could not deliver as the destiny

Did not favour them.

Neighbours were inimical and indifferent

The super power too did not bother as it was no longer

The world policeman and thebtwin towers attack

Redefined the meaning of terrorism and the cause of nationalism, Tamil nationalism was lost on the way

Worshipping Buddha but fomenting hatred the majority

Dominated and frustrated the freedom struggle

It was great that many were wading through

Real impossibilities and recurrent resistances

Couldn't alter the situation but only worsened it 

Oh Lord ,is there any one in the cosmos having the 

Indomitable courage and conviction, and an uncompromising attitude to restore the dignity on 

Tamil population there and also other minorities

Silently suffering all over the world

Hello Lord ! Are you listening?

All these unfortunate disadvantaged people  tossed 

and turned by hatred and vengeance 

Did practice patience and perseverance and endured

All the insults, injustice and injuries of time....

But the dominant leader and faithful warriors couldn't

take things to their logical destination

It was international politics and lack of diplomatic path

Which killed all the designs, all the passion which were

Fashioned out in minutest details to 

Attain the highest ideals , their home land 

Apparently impossible in reality given the changed

Geo political setting and not even visible in the 

Near or distant future.

Like a charming girl degenerating into sick and ailing lady

All the youthful dreams for home land faded and vanished

into thin air  once and for all.

That dreamland is now barren sick with dead bodies

And souls ,hovering over there

Like abandoned land like any other war torn zone 

When the globalised and globalising world cannot take 

Cognizance of the marginalized and fully deprived 

What is the use of talking interconnectedness,

Computer driven networked information flow and nonsense

Where is the conscience of global community and institutions

This was written long ago when the freedom struggle failed in the Tamil segments of Sri Lanka 

That country is experiencing the worst economic and political crisis proving the adage one who sows will reap..

(From my academic debris).

I was stunned by the stony silence.

It all happened on one day

Everything seemed to happen at that moment

Not consciously willed 

Perhaps the unconscious has acted like

A reflex action

But I was stunned by his stony silence then

And thereafter

Since then I have been undergoing a strange

Moment and also movement

A sense of disbelief prevailed

Was it God ordained? A welcome change 

For the long run emotional equilibrium or 

A troublesome maze of perpetual disequilibrium

Why I didn't notice the stony silence maintained 

for long... there's nothing new..karma works its way

I am bewildered, bemused by the happenings

Which should not be happening

They have changed me for the good

Killing the taste buds, enjoying hunger

Eliminating anger, cultivating silence 

Practicing patience, learning fasting and 

meditation, loosening the  grip on family bond 

Turn a new leaf ,detatched and be an observer

To live in sanity , Stability and quiet 

Turn to the creator and seek his grace ,buy sleep

Bury all dirts and filths  and pray for no birth.

The novelty of native or village wisdom

Old memories ambush me 

Random thoughts of her refused to recede

They ran amoke wild 

I silently cried ..got relief

An uncertain future flash through mind 

Is it  a new Berlin Wall, self made

A kind of killing self subjecting to slow death

An uneasy feeling is heavily breathing upon me 

A strange happening, least expected

Distance has become absolute

One day death will clean it like a rainy day

Learn the native wisdom of village folk

They are free from the distorting pretensions 

Of wealth, power and education driven stupidity

They don't ride on egoistic journey

A poem...will past remain as a false memory? No , it was not a lie or old story or a dream

The thing I had seen in you for ages and 

Centuries, I can see no more

Is it a curse or our heightened stupidity

Or a karmic effect, a kind of blessings for me 

To grow  and hence a blessing with all 

Built in suffering and inexplicable pain..

Was it a dream then, something that one could forget

it like a dream or a short story to be forgotten

No i can't believe it was a false perception or feeling

Nor is it ancient history or a lie ..yes past can't be

A false memory..

Look at the rainbow in the winter sky or on a rainy day,

The countless stars in the dark night

The lovely roses of different shades of colour

With beautiful thorns enveloping them and other plants

 too transmitting fragrance to attract the bees

And of course the tall mountains, deep oceans

They all have the freshness of the dew and retain

All the glory and legacy of nature.

Then how is it that and why is it that 

I can't see in you what I saw once, long ago

I do understand you as I have understood me 

Being connected genetically and intellectually

This drama has been enacted by the supreme 

He knows what's good for all of us 

Forget who is right and who is wrong

We must get out of the egoistic journey 

and start smiling at the absurdity and uncertainty 

Of life ,the fragile life like a glass window

Against which I had a head  on  collusion, the other day

I have less years to live by,

If my life span is destined to be long 

My only prayer is I must move without

Anyone's

Note this poem was  help and walk through life 

Towards death with smile on the face

At the appointed hour.

Yes my dear life is beautiful

Suffering is the spice of life

Luxurioous life is boring  and devoid of charm

You are always with me, like you were earlier

And you will be in distant future too and 

during after life too, for ever...

Note

This poem was written today morning

But while typing now the entire format has changed

The contours of the lines have fallen from somewhere

A request for the readers...we come here only once 

We shall not travel back through time ..let us live at each moment. Love and labour and remain happy with a smile on our lips always.

We shall not forget to laugh at our own stupidity and also at the shallow and crooked democracy of ours

When it comes to the transient nature of life, short-lived glory... individuals are no different from nations

I was one among the few who did clearly saw the impending fall of Thailand and collapse of its currency Baht in mid 1997.

But at that ime I was hardly aware that it would result in a far reaching broad sweep over the entire region and far beyond it..those experts who were not carried away by the exceptionalism of Asia felt vindicated and crony capitalism did the final mischief and Jewish conspiracy , the well crafted speculative attack came handy to molest their currencies given the central commonality of the problems of the  region

Despite a spate of devaluation by a larger percentage and hike in interest rate  markets could not be beaten and in the absence of any worthwhile international relief the recovery became a long drawn out process.

In the same vein it shall be said that individuals too get into the crisis in the life game .Eight from the start especially from the teenage everyone is in a race with all their dreams and goals .They rise and fall and learn from their mistakes and mistaken ambitious ventures.

They find their rhytham and get wages for their labour and a few of them atleast will be lucky to register their name and fame  and build financial fortunes

But eventually they too have to let the quest for glory to go.There are examples of people reaching top but couldn't avoid the life of frustration.

Glory is nice when it lasts but usually never lasts long.Eventually the success or failure depends upon the inherent dynamics of the actualization of potentials and their capacity to master the art of learning and growing.

Mine was a journey with little that is no ambition and divine intervention made me to evolve as a mad teacher with all passion and a sense of dedication and involvement in work.

I enjoyed that world of solitiude and company of students and loyalty to honesty and work ethics always lifted my spirits and despite setbacks and inimical work environment I survived .My feet were always implanted on the ground, measuring my steps and not compromising my values and dignity. 

We are all prisoners of habit and circumstances and destiny and therefore we are different every day

There are so many special things that I ought to be doing every day...but not knowing what it's . Even while I am fully aware of a host of things to be done  there's no zest to carry out and I find helpless and clueless.

For ages and centuries I have been indulging in an act of setting right many things before they go out of control..indeed I am afraid I am distanced from many things already and I am lost, like a child on the thousand mile journey in the middle.

I trust that all of us are not what we were yesterday.we cling to the past and derive some substitute gratification.

Then we do also realise that it is futile to be tied with the past and get conditioned by emotional demand of others.

But we crave for them from others, relations or firends

Many of the things happening around me should not be happening but I can't stop it as it is beyond my reach and my capabilities.

My academic greed or life expectations are bare minimum and following the dictum of Goethe, I would like to hear a little music , read a good poen, see a fine picture and if possible speak a few reasonable words..

My life is neither a success or failure..I have lived a full life tasting it's bitterness and sweetness.

I could feel the invisible hand of not Adamsmith but God many a time who really rescued me from all kinds of danger and evil.

I was destined to be a teacher and I did that job creditbly well to the satisfaction of my soul... There's nothing like success or failure.Each is an experience by itself..

There were long spells of academic distress but compensation came in the form of financial fortune and  later the roles were reversed.

I know before I get fused with mother earth I will be undergoing a great deal of transformation but the inner core will remain in tact without getting disturbed..It might be shaken a little bit but historically given genes and my instinct in trusting human having affection spontaneously for others and also enjoying being together will sail me through peacefully and gracefully..

Regardless of the phase of life I am entering into one thing is certain I will not lose faith in the supreme and karma..

I am just a puppet in the drama of life.

I will try my level best from the tone of the voice and the brightness of the smile on my black face  I will rveal that I am in good mood and good health no matter what I am undergoing at a given moment.

It is said that one should gradually mature in life and be like the tamarind fruit inside a shell existing but detached 

I can't leave all the desires for good food and I will moderate it by eating what I like  and alet the food fight it out inside.The same is the case with the accumulation of  my academic debris...I will try to delink and get rid of myself from worldly attachments even while I am in it.

More importantly I want to go out in my own way to be extremely friendly with fellow humans as I had been all along in my life .

Talking about weather and sex

Everybody talks about weather, but nobody even does anything about it.With sex from scientific point of  view it was the other way around.Everybody acts sexually, but nobody talks mch about it....

Is it an old saying..it is a sentence I have taken down from a novel, the title of which I do not remember.Torn between an undeniably sexual interest and a fear of acting out fantasies, she hardly dared to admit  to..... the sentence moves like this...

I want to tell a good saying: 

If you are without wife or a widower make it a point to submit all your sex impulses to work.That will not only save you from falling into dirt and filth but also bring the best in you

Coreecf me if I am wrong.This does not imply that given an opportunity and a sense of reciprocity with all civility and cultured behaviour you can act out and translate your sexual interest in the most uninhibited manner..while this is feasible in a typical western environment ,there are impediments for everyone to attain sexual sanity, stability and equilibrium...

Second time I watched the movie Kilometres and kilometres , a Malayalam movie which addresses this question in a more polite and polished way.....how love flowers between the US lady tourist and the debt ridden typical young fellow without income but having all the technical skills under the sun...

Like weather, sex is real and it's high time everone especially the young, living alone  for want of partners understood its relevance and they should have freedom to choose their partners crossing the borders of caste and religion if they happen to be barriers.

In the movie there is a healthy and dignified distance between the two and indeed the girl is selfish arrogant and does not hesitate to say that money is everything and relations are nothing...

There's a dramatic shift in their feelings for each other and the narrative is neat and clean..in real life falling in love like this will be a far cry but I can only wish that humans are not made to live single and  right permutation and combination must also exist and evolve like breathing in a typical sangam literature variety.

How Writing had coexisted along with my reading for teaching and it was a kind of therapy all through my life

Realising fully and forcefully the inexorable pressure of diminishing time ,writing was the only relief and prop to an uncertain and precarious future, says Anthony Burgess(1917-1953),who turned out prodigious output.Writing is not like reading or lecturing on the stage and it's far more difficult and everyone can't write as he reads or speaks.I am glad that I did write continually not just about economics but also jotted down my thoughts and express my feelings without any inhibition or  censorship.

In my academic journey The Hindu Business Line gave me the much needed space to express freely  about the contemporary national and international macroeconomic and monetary situation.Special mention must be made to Dr J Srinivasan of The Hindu group for his meticulous editing and his value addition made a sea of difference  in conveying the essentials.

Besides writing on crucial economic issues  I had cultivated  the habit of writing diary right from college days and they helped me to find solace, relief and blissful peace.

More particularly writing enabled me to give voice to my feelings and helped to increase my emotional regulations.

In the retirement period, in the absence of wife and also preferring to live alone in my thoughts, I understand the value of reading and writing and they make me

 comfortable even while being alone . There's no loneliness.

I have done more journaling and indulged in writing diaries without being aware that it was a kind of therapy  and I had the space to express myself freely.The old age also makes me to reflect more on life ...

I am changing for the better, leaving behind many bitter experiences, treating them as the manure for my growth

More importantly, I write the way I speak and I do not speak or write unless I am clear about the subject in question I am handling..

To this village boy the supreme has given a passion and some diligence to manage the academic side, to the rlative neglect of finance and family..By his grace that was taken care of through my sweet and responsible girl who was more sensible and intelligent than me..