Today I stumbled upon a poem (sanskrit?) translated into Tamil by Madumitha .I have rendered it from Tamil to English.

 Like a tiger the old age is frightening me

Like an army the diseases invade me

My longevity goes  down, like the water

Leaking through the broken earthen pot.

And yet the man hardly ever attempts to  do any

Virtuous act or good deeds.

(Courtesy:Tamil weekly, Ananda Vikatan,dated 8 october 2006)

Those things that hurt, instruct ,says Benjamin Franklin

Former chief Minister of Tamil Nadu Mr C N  Annadurai  told once while delivering the convocation address to the graduating students:Every step that you take will be a struggle which will dim your hope and disturb your determination. In some contexts  he again said ,when I say like this do not wink and smile and say that it’ s all  easy to say.

Life is simple and difficult. It is beautiful and ugly. Life can never be endlessly sweet and happy. It has joy and sorrow, pain and pleasure, achievement and failure, and in essence -good times and bad times the inevitable duality of life. We should be happy that life is like this, for if it were not so there would be no literature, no great music, no great art.

Once it is accepted that life is difficult and it has its own surprises, then life will be no longer difficult and hence it should not be difficult to confront the problems and negotiate all the twists and turns of the dangerous curves and bends of life. Despite all the burdens of life and challenges , we should breathe easy and live as if life is easy to live and also  get engaged  in some activity which we can enjoy.

Many a time most of us have experienced a series of problems which did not seem to end or lessen in  its intensity although time has  healed the wounds  in a gradual fashion and or we  have got accustomed to it by accepting the pain of reality .

Therefore when we are bombarded by” frustration or grief, or sadness or loneliness, 0r guilt or regret  or anger or fear or anxiety or anguish or despair “ we shall encounter all these uncomfortable and unfriendly feelings with a stoic smile and feel confident that it will also passé and  remember the wise words of Benjamin Franklin, “those things that hurt , instruct”.

Retiement is only the interval and I will have my peace and freedom

This is the second part of what I felt on the day of my retirement. I could not sleep on that day after 2 45 A M.I took the draft of Arul Jason”s thesis manuscript and started correcting for nearly two hours. It  was a good beginning. I was in the world of sterilized and unsterilized intervention of Central bank. His pet theme was how a huge accumulation of reserves would act as a signaling mechanism to forex traders ad credit  rating agencies and so on.The eyes  signaled that I should get some sleep. When I got up at 6 15 AM again laziness enveloped me  and I did not meekly submit and I found myself soon on the beach with the rising sun and many known people.I met three of my colleagues.

 Know the retirement is something inevitable and that it is not the end of the story. It is more like an interval that we need in life. One needs peace and a bit of aloofness to know oneself and I will have all the time to spend with books and play with the grandchildren. Indeed  my whole active life was spent in reading and preparation for the class and I did not think about more publications which I could have done very easily in larger measure. That wisdom did not enter into my brain.I hope I will have more time for reading and travel and watch some some classic movies and also cultivate more link with my subject.

I never planned anything in life  ..No goals or targets …Not much ambition .I am what I am and I am happy with myself. The only merit or drawback is that there is more academic greed and I will be  more blessed and satisfied if the supreme can shower me with good eyesight and normal health.with all my globalization I will try to live in a shell and enjoy nature and books.when I am concluding my grandson says:Thatha, nalla  padi meaning “Grand pa,  read well”. It was just a flash and he has all the attributes and skills to evolve as a good intellectual worker.

The emotive feelings on the retirement day

The feeling I had experienced the day before and the day after my retirement is hard to explain / quantify and very difficult to  put it either in a concrete mathematical language or articulate it in a poetic way .

My countdown for the retirement had started no sooner than I occupied the position of the Dean CDC in the closing months of 2012. Since then consciously or unconsciously I have started counting the days and measuring my steps. I thought that in a long academic journey , the retirement day  would be yet an  another day albeit ,of course  the last day officially. But I knew at heart that it could not be an ordinary day but rather a special day and felt something like a kind of death when it did occur; I could neither rejoice nor celebrate. Yes despite serving for more than four decades plus, the residual academic fire was still intact and kept kicking and I could not just accept and contemplate that the day had indeed come.

That day happened to be a more hectic one, a lot of file work to be competed ,not to speak of the parting words to my administrative  team. It was followed by a casual simple but rich lunch in the canteen. Unfortunately there was no class room lecture  I was going around my silver jubilee campus to see people ,plants, beautiful flowers and of course my own room. That was the last time I could see and sit in my room as an in-service faculty of this university. A sense of alienation and inexplicable loneliness has already gripped my mind. But this was different from the alienation that I had experienced   from my colleagues earlier. I emotionally broke down in prof. venkat raghoutam chamber filled with books and books only.

concluding Part of the hindi short story:spillover from the two authors SR and DS

In the third part Let me translate S Ramakrishnan’s comment on the story:

When I read this story  I understood  what Shyam’s mother had told is absolutely true. It is an altogether different matter  when  we feel like  talking we talk and there is difference when  one goes on talking nonstop just like that without understanding the mood of the listener. Even good friends at one stage get irritated when there is an endless  talk and the relationship becomes bitter. This generation has not properly understood and internalized what is meant by separation, peace and the interval. The never ending cell phone conversation all through the night with all meaningless talk at some moment in life causes hatred and irritation. As a result the relationship breaks down. Disappointment and despair become the end result. I know innumerable youngsters  smashing the cell phones out of sheer  mental agony and the disappointment of the fear of losing the relationship. It is doubtful l whether or not an elder would have behaved like this.

The kind of happiness that we derive while roaming with friends and sit- chatting we can also get an equivalent satisfaction by remaining alone willingly. We should begin to learn to remain alone. Here one should know the distinction between the loneliness/aloofness  stemming from  the distancing / alienation  caused  by  the family/others  and the one chosen deliberately by choice by the individual in question.

We should learn to remain alone more willingly. It is a different kind of taste. The birds flock together only when they choose to fly. Thereafter, each bird goes in its own way in search of its prey. After  having chosen the tree it creates a shelter for itself. Attempting to remain aloof and alone is essentially an act of understanding about us.(comment by S  Ramakrishnan ends here)

#I thought of narrating my own experience  but that can wait for a future date This short story is more contextual and with all the benefits of digital technology there is an another side –an important side ,I won’t call a darker side. Those who are bent upon talking endlessly and  want to be united with their lovers/ well wishers/ or friends/ and also want to see the face in Skype and what’s up video call and so on  are having problems  yes real problems . I will narrate a contrarian behavior now.I  have a friend / my childhood friend in my village and we talk only very rarely but  I think about him daily as I pray for  my parents  who are in my thoughts constantly. I  belong to the era of Shyam’s mother in the short story. I am a talkative man and yet I moderate:.the essence of the story is that so long as we are united in minds and the love is locked into the hearts words  are not needed and they need not be told again and again that I love you   and say further   I have never been in love like this( even when you are speaking the truth) and so on.My professor Sasankan told me at the time of my marriage in 1972 that I should love my wife  and  also tell her that I love her. Economics being the first love and wife I did not listen to his advice and I tell my student friends that in the dehumanized  /globalised world where people are separated by distance and  the role of lovers is foolishly forgotten by the husband- wife terminology and that they should spend time with the partner and speak:, understanding is important and we should not  waste the words while speaking or writing…..I have already quoted from someone that they are the loaded pistols…..I am careful now   and yet  not willing to abandon  my righteous anger against the injustice in the world economy and sometime foolishly angry with the creater. 

The consequence of talking too much....the end result is frustratingly irritating

Hindi short story –part 2: Shy am asks her mother why she has chosen not to attend the phone call. She replies; the story continues:

“Once you left the village and moved towards the city life, leaving me here you may not be know   how much I suffered and lamented over your absence. I would  talk to myself: when will I hear your voice again? Will you not come and see me? I had this longing to see you and hear from you.

She continued: “Do you know / while thinking and ruminating over your separation I will lock all my thoughts about you in my mind and daily pray for your health and that of your wife and children. Sometimes I will be talking to myself.”

“In those days you would come very rarely to the village and on those occasions you and me would sit for hours together and talk about the days gone by  and the chat will go on till dawn.”

“But with the arrival of cell phone I listen to your voice almost on a daily basis and you also talk about various  things…. But I do not have any  special or significant developments here to talk to you. Indeed there is nothing that takes place here which is of any great significance worth mentioning. Furthermore I will add that talking  too much would also cripple and break love.No matter how close and intimate you are  if there is an indiscriminate/ non-stop use of mobile  to talk, at one stage it will be frustratingly irritating.

To strengthen the relationship we need peace and loneliness and separation. If all the five fingers are so close then they will look  tied together and  then the hand will be of no use. Likewise , as  there is an interval between the fingers  so also there must be  some healthy distance between people who are very close.

Without realizing this if one is bent upon  going on talking  endlessly then ,the end result will be only an inexplicable irritation and anger.In those days your father was in the army.Letter will come from him once in six months.I am an illiterate and so I will have to give it to somebody to read it  for me .for the next six months I will be keeping that letter and keep on reading it(with other’s help).There was more mental pain ,stress and despair and yet this kind of occasional letters cemented our relationship with more solidity..

Just because there is mouth many people are talking whatever they want to  speak. That  is wrong. We should not waste the words .In so far as my relationship with  you  is  concerned, I would like to remain thinking about you  and keep on waiting for you. Now you take back the cell phone. It is no  longer needed for me you keep it with yourself” so saying she hands it over to her son “

( the third part is the spillover and the commentary by S  Ramakrishnan    I also want to tell some of my experience…Because of Risha banu’s waiting I sat tight  and did the translation straight from the magazine by just typing .  I must thank her for speeding the work instead of postponing it .In a day or two the third part will be posted)

A short story by a Hindi writer ,Vikas sharma rendered into Tamil by S Ramakrishnan and English translation is mine

Vikas Sharma is a Hindi writer .He has written a short story  titled “don’t talk much”. A noted and popular writer in Tamil S Ramakrishnan has briefly summarized that story in Tamil and I am translating into English for a wider audience. Leading a retired life and still getting intoxicated with international finance I do get some relief and I want to be connected with my language this way by doing some translation. Now the story :

Shyam,living in Mumbai  purchases a mobile for her mother living alone in a village. He also teaches her  how to use the cell phone. The mother keeps the phone   handed over to him with all concern for her.

From Mumbai  everyday in the evening Shyam speaks to her mother. She also responds by taking the call and they speak for five or ten minutes. For two months this phone conversation goes on without any hitch or problem.A few days after when he attempts to speak She does not take the call and the son is surprised and worried. Sometimes, she might attend the call but would finish the conversation within a few minutes.Shyam will be at a loss to understand this behavior and wonders as to why she does not talk ?

Earlier even   while she was talking through mobile she would not bother to enquire about his health or about his children.This was just irritating for him and he would talk  to himself:”why is she angry with me and I am not able to understand her “ and worry.

During one summer holidays  Shyam came to the village with his wife and children .His mother welcomed them with all love and affection. No sooner than he arrived in the village he asks her the question:” why did you  stop responding to the phone call  you did not talk for long Ma.what is the problem?”    (to be concluded)

I felt guilty when I could not recognize the worker who played a larger role in the construction of my house

I was reading my morning newspaper sitting on the cane chair in the veranda made clean and useable my daughter. I was reading about love in a spiritual column-undemanding and unconditional love without any strings attached  to it.At that time I saw two workers-looked like village folk from rururban background. Thinking that they were going to ask for work to clear the bush in the garden I  moved my hands to go.Only a month back I had them removed by hired labour.

One of the two with all politeness and surprise in his eyes said,”sir  I am Bhoopathy  don’t you recognize me”? Which  Bhoopathy I asked  getting up from the chair  and went closer to them.

Age had withered him but coming closer I understood that he was one of the masons in the contractors labour force involved in the construction of my house in 1984-85.I felt very bad that I could not locate him in the very first instance. He started recollecting the old days about my work in Mahe, the contractor’s brother going to Dubai and making money and so on.

.He recollected how he had seen me lecturing in  Alliance Francis once and he did not want to disturb me then.I wanted to serve him tea but the teashop was closed today.He had come for work in one engineer’s house in our street .Seeing  me at home he wanted t say hello   .what a great kindly gesture.I told him that he was welcome after some time at leisure. While taking leave he told “ Sir, keep your health in tact  but for greying of the hair you have not changed much and the tone remains the same”

All through my life I have respected and loved the labour  many have cheated  even then there are people like  Bhoopathy who are the real representative of labour and his signature is already embedded into my house   Without labour capital cannot do anything nor can be created in the first instance.

I stand alone and Love alone stands

By a strange quirk of fate all of us came alone.

Into this world for a purpose, well structured

But  not  well  defined for all of  us at that time.

Many may come and many will go While we  play the game of  life

 with all its twists and turns, fears and anxieties and

Combined with all the sweet and bitter memories, I stand alone.

This is very much true even when I live in a crowd of relatives and friends.

Amidst all chaos scriptures say Love alone stands and I would add

All the rest  ,Is empty; a mere sound and fury and signify nothing.

When the time comes to leave this beautiful planet,

I will enter into the unknown, alone-the territory nobody has seen,

And the ambiance no one could describe: until then,

I will stand alone as a spectator and a participant,

A pleasant but difficult task indeed.

We are living in troubled times. Ever since the onset of the global economic crisis close on the heels of the sub prime lending crisis in the US(2007-08) and the subsequent soverign European Debt crisis(2010) , not to speak of the ongoing currency convulsions and stock market turmoil in china and its spillover to the rest of the world  the plausible reversal of soft interest regime in the US ,the entry of recession into Brazi and so on, the world economy is vastly different  today than ever it was.

 While growth engines such as consumption investment and net export are not in good shape in china they are somewhat in a revival mode here  and India continues to be one of the fastest growing countries in the world with all its transient problems and contradictions.The election fever for a few state Assemblies has begun which in all probability  will raise more noise and provide fun like cricket  -all sound and fury and signifying nothing for the majority of population. We can be proud that we have a functioning democracy and God alone knows the costs and benefits. Its use value to the poor and weak

As the recession has come to stay in major segments of the world economy it is also deeper in our hearts and mind. Real and serene happiness elude. In our stupidies and sometimes misplaced arrogance we demand and command love as if it can be forced and squeezed. When it is not available on 24x7 basis out of sheer frustration we use words and write love poems in an intimidating tone without realizing that words are loaded pistols and that will only backfire. Yes we sulk and sink in the bottom of suffering because of ignorance and excess love and attachment. It is indeed a tragedy that in a discussion or conversation there is always domination by one side ; and sometimes we tend to  forget that  we should speak only when spoken to and silence is the best language.

I have realized from my experience that I have been more democratic and more friendly, more adjusting with people I have moved with  ; the time has come now I must moderate and calibrate relationship. We are not playing any ball game to score point and win  . we face events and incidents as they evolve  and we must have maturity to see  the cause and effects  ;even life partners cannot take any risk in giving a slap or indulge in the luxury of deploying harsh words lest  the sword of divorce will effortlessly fall at the earliest provocation.

We shall listen to  the xiv Dalai Lama: Instead of getting angry nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such  trying circumstances  they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience. 

Let us free ourselves from the fear of death and birth and while living respect the nature

There is  nothing as fearful as death ,and there is no suffering as great as birth.Be free from the fear of both birth and death, by doing away with attachment to the body  ,” says mahavira.Thiruvalluvar also says that unless you surrender to the almighty you cannot swim through the ocean of birth and death and while living we can get away from suffering my meditating on the feet of the supreme.

Kural continues: Death is like going to sleep and Birth is nothing but waking up after deep sleep.It simply means there is a continuity in existence. Although Stephen Hawking has said that there is nothing like rebirth and like the components of computer machine the Brain too dies once it is worn out. Why do young people die?...

I know that the best way to live and have peace is to have detached attachment.It is  very easily said than  done.sitting/perching on the earth in a small corner in Pondicherry amidst the in a vast ever expanding galaxy in a Milky way (?) I have travelled around the sun nearly 66 times and yet I could not see or feel the infinite stars and suns and planets in the immediate and distant neighbourhood.But when I am here  I am able to wonder the  vastness of the universe its mysterious and merciful nature. Nature is always supreme and even when it is cruel it is benign for Nature cannot go wrong.Do not find fault with me gentleman  I am fascinated by nature .that will guide me as it had done all along in my life. 

While reading Khalil Gibran reader I understood the absurdities of life in a better way.

Last week I had the compulsion to read international finance for a series of lecture. This week there is a task at hand to prepare for a Radio Lecture. I am in it ;nevertheless the other day I was reading Khalil Gibran reader which made me to understand the unexpected twists and turns of life. Many a time we are confronted with the unexpected and we are amazed at our own behavior   Now a few sentences from our Khalil Gibran:

“What is this power that elevates our spirits until we reach the mountain top smiling and glorifying then we suddenly we are cast to the depths of the valley, weeping and suffering? What is this life that embraces us like a lover one day ,and fights us like an enemy the second day?”

 Monk who was persecuted the previous day and could survive hunger and thirst the next day through the benevolent intervention of a mother and her beautiful daughter  in  severe winter of thick snow and frost makes this statement.

Men are a bundle of emotions and finer feelings and no one is good or bad  and even if you are called bad  and blood sucker do not worry  so long as you have the spirit of altruism and more important  you have not done anything wrong excepting that you sincerely care for the welfare of the fellow human.

To go back to Gibran  he says “let us keep away from earthly things, for life  passes like a cloud”. Yes gentlemen of the jury  All of us are “gripping on to life, lamenting the passing of yesterday, condemning the speed of today, and waiting fearfully for tomorrow”. I  have used his words to explain our existential dilemma.Let us not worry or fear tomorrow.Tomorrow wil  not be like today but better than that.All of us live on hope

while i am thinking about him all the time he comes only in my dreams

We have seen how the girl finds the dreamy state blissful as she can see him in the dream She says:

I derived an immense pleasure by seeing him

In my dream as was the case usually.

If there is no waking hours ,I will be with him perpetually

And my lover will not leave me in the dream.

(Now see the different tune that she adopts about her man appearing in the dream)

While denying all delight during day time (waking hours)

The hard hearted man does come in my dream

And torture me  in my sleep.

See his behavior: while I am asleep,

He is resting on my shoulder and

While I remain awake, he enters into my heart

My dear friend,when I think about him during waking hours,

He embraces me only in my dreams.

The separation of the lover tosses and turns her into a kind of recession to use the word in Economics and her longing to see and enjoy the company  is very much visible in her dialogue with her friend.