The emotive feelings on the retirement day

The feeling I had experienced the day before and the day after my retirement is hard to explain / quantify and very difficult to  put it either in a concrete mathematical language or articulate it in a poetic way .

My countdown for the retirement had started no sooner than I occupied the position of the Dean CDC in the closing months of 2012. Since then consciously or unconsciously I have started counting the days and measuring my steps. I thought that in a long academic journey , the retirement day  would be yet an  another day albeit ,of course  the last day officially. But I knew at heart that it could not be an ordinary day but rather a special day and felt something like a kind of death when it did occur; I could neither rejoice nor celebrate. Yes despite serving for more than four decades plus, the residual academic fire was still intact and kept kicking and I could not just accept and contemplate that the day had indeed come.

That day happened to be a more hectic one, a lot of file work to be competed ,not to speak of the parting words to my administrative  team. It was followed by a casual simple but rich lunch in the canteen. Unfortunately there was no class room lecture  I was going around my silver jubilee campus to see people ,plants, beautiful flowers and of course my own room. That was the last time I could see and sit in my room as an in-service faculty of this university. A sense of alienation and inexplicable loneliness has already gripped my mind. But this was different from the alienation that I had experienced   from my colleagues earlier. I emotionally broke down in prof. venkat raghoutam chamber filled with books and books only.