Translation of Kamathupal 1

Who is this beautiful girl ?

An angel descended fom Heaven 

Or a forest dwelling colourful peacock ?

Oh she is wearing heavy earstud..ear ring

So this damsel is only human

Be that as it may,

I am bemused and blindfolded by her

And intoxicated and also tormented by 

her sight and infinite beauty

By Prof D Sambandhan

Like roulette wheel our fortunes fluctuate

A poem from old diary updated today

Sorry completely rewritten, with fresh

Energy and inspiration

As some one said, life is all about finding

The essential ingredients of happiness and peace

At the end of the day

Yes there is something to do,

Something to love, and 

Something to hope for

All through my life I have had something

To propel me to action, reading and writing

Like roulette wheel my fortunes have fluctuated.

With all scars in heart and wrinkles in mind

And many academic injuries despite more academic

honours and recognition on the stage

The debating platform,

I have waded through the slippery marital waters

And office politics filled academic corridors

How did I survive?

I didn't make any plans

No target, no goals and virtually nil ambitions

With God given command over language

And nonstop romance with fundamentals of

Macro and international finance  a la 

Tasting the victory of academic brilliance

And also facing all adversity,

I had the strength of character to survive

I was never worried about th fear of failure as 

I had been the admirer of my works which are unique

.In their own  way

When stupid heads at micro and macro level

Couldn't grasp the summer side of my academic

Contributions, I am sorry it's their fault and poverty

 of their knowledge

As  Mith Albom told,

All endings are also beginnings

We just don't know it at that time 

To Modi and company and anybody doing harm 

To fellow human and poor people,

Listen to Kirsten Dunst:

I have seen karma slap people in the face

You have to be good to people

It really does come around.

My dear friends

We shall not bother about ageing

Or age related depression or elation

We shall pay as little attention to it as possible

Like glass or weather life is fragile and unpredictable

But it is very very beautiful

We shall enjoy it with all suffering

Yes suffering is the spice of life

Is there any one in the cosmos to listen to voiceless people breathing for freedom and dignity

For long Sri Lankan Tamils and Palestinians population

Could not have a torch to pass through their dark

Passages and tormented path...

True there were few leaders with commitment 

And did negotiate the way and ruled for a while

But eventually could not deliver as the destiny

Did not favour them.

Neighbours were inimical and indifferent

The super power too did not bother as it was no longer

The world policeman and thebtwin towers attack

Redefined the meaning of terrorism and the cause of nationalism, Tamil nationalism was lost on the way

Worshipping Buddha but fomenting hatred the majority

Dominated and frustrated the freedom struggle

It was great that many were wading through

Real impossibilities and recurrent resistances

Couldn't alter the situation but only worsened it 

Oh Lord ,is there any one in the cosmos having the 

Indomitable courage and conviction, and an uncompromising attitude to restore the dignity on 

Tamil population there and also other minorities

Silently suffering all over the world

Hello Lord ! Are you listening?

All these unfortunate disadvantaged people  tossed 

and turned by hatred and vengeance 

Did practice patience and perseverance and endured

All the insults, injustice and injuries of time....

But the dominant leader and faithful warriors couldn't

take things to their logical destination

It was international politics and lack of diplomatic path

Which killed all the designs, all the passion which were

Fashioned out in minutest details to 

Attain the highest ideals , their home land 

Apparently impossible in reality given the changed

Geo political setting and not even visible in the 

Near or distant future.

Like a charming girl degenerating into sick and ailing lady

All the youthful dreams for home land faded and vanished

into thin air  once and for all.

That dreamland is now barren sick with dead bodies

And souls ,hovering over there

Like abandoned land like any other war torn zone 

When the globalised and globalising world cannot take 

Cognizance of the marginalized and fully deprived 

What is the use of talking interconnectedness,

Computer driven networked information flow and nonsense

Where is the conscience of global community and institutions

This was written long ago when the freedom struggle failed in the Tamil segments of Sri Lanka 

That country is experiencing the worst economic and political crisis proving the adage one who sows will reap..

(From my academic debris).

I was stunned by the stony silence.

It all happened on one day

Everything seemed to happen at that moment

Not consciously willed 

Perhaps the unconscious has acted like

A reflex action

But I was stunned by his stony silence then

And thereafter

Since then I have been undergoing a strange

Moment and also movement

A sense of disbelief prevailed

Was it God ordained? A welcome change 

For the long run emotional equilibrium or 

A troublesome maze of perpetual disequilibrium

Why I didn't notice the stony silence maintained 

for long... there's nothing new..karma works its way

I am bewildered, bemused by the happenings

Which should not be happening

They have changed me for the good

Killing the taste buds, enjoying hunger

Eliminating anger, cultivating silence 

Practicing patience, learning fasting and 

meditation, loosening the  grip on family bond 

Turn a new leaf ,detatched and be an observer

To live in sanity , Stability and quiet 

Turn to the creator and seek his grace ,buy sleep

Bury all dirts and filths  and pray for no birth.

The novelty of native or village wisdom

Old memories ambush me 

Random thoughts of her refused to recede

They ran amoke wild 

I silently cried ..got relief

An uncertain future flash through mind 

Is it  a new Berlin Wall, self made

A kind of killing self subjecting to slow death

An uneasy feeling is heavily breathing upon me 

A strange happening, least expected

Distance has become absolute

One day death will clean it like a rainy day

Learn the native wisdom of village folk

They are free from the distorting pretensions 

Of wealth, power and education driven stupidity

They don't ride on egoistic journey

A poem...will past remain as a false memory? No , it was not a lie or old story or a dream

The thing I had seen in you for ages and 

Centuries, I can see no more

Is it a curse or our heightened stupidity

Or a karmic effect, a kind of blessings for me 

To grow  and hence a blessing with all 

Built in suffering and inexplicable pain..

Was it a dream then, something that one could forget

it like a dream or a short story to be forgotten

No i can't believe it was a false perception or feeling

Nor is it ancient history or a lie ..yes past can't be

A false memory..

Look at the rainbow in the winter sky or on a rainy day,

The countless stars in the dark night

The lovely roses of different shades of colour

With beautiful thorns enveloping them and other plants

 too transmitting fragrance to attract the bees

And of course the tall mountains, deep oceans

They all have the freshness of the dew and retain

All the glory and legacy of nature.

Then how is it that and why is it that 

I can't see in you what I saw once, long ago

I do understand you as I have understood me 

Being connected genetically and intellectually

This drama has been enacted by the supreme 

He knows what's good for all of us 

Forget who is right and who is wrong

We must get out of the egoistic journey 

and start smiling at the absurdity and uncertainty 

Of life ,the fragile life like a glass window

Against which I had a head  on  collusion, the other day

I have less years to live by,

If my life span is destined to be long 

My only prayer is I must move without

Anyone's

Note this poem was  help and walk through life 

Towards death with smile on the face

At the appointed hour.

Yes my dear life is beautiful

Suffering is the spice of life

Luxurioous life is boring  and devoid of charm

You are always with me, like you were earlier

And you will be in distant future too and 

during after life too, for ever...

Note

This poem was written today morning

But while typing now the entire format has changed

The contours of the lines have fallen from somewhere

A request for the readers...we come here only once 

We shall not travel back through time ..let us live at each moment. Love and labour and remain happy with a smile on our lips always.

We shall not forget to laugh at our own stupidity and also at the shallow and crooked democracy of ours

When it comes to the transient nature of life, short-lived glory... individuals are no different from nations

I was one among the few who did clearly saw the impending fall of Thailand and collapse of its currency Baht in mid 1997.

But at that ime I was hardly aware that it would result in a far reaching broad sweep over the entire region and far beyond it..those experts who were not carried away by the exceptionalism of Asia felt vindicated and crony capitalism did the final mischief and Jewish conspiracy , the well crafted speculative attack came handy to molest their currencies given the central commonality of the problems of the  region

Despite a spate of devaluation by a larger percentage and hike in interest rate  markets could not be beaten and in the absence of any worthwhile international relief the recovery became a long drawn out process.

In the same vein it shall be said that individuals too get into the crisis in the life game .Eight from the start especially from the teenage everyone is in a race with all their dreams and goals .They rise and fall and learn from their mistakes and mistaken ambitious ventures.

They find their rhytham and get wages for their labour and a few of them atleast will be lucky to register their name and fame  and build financial fortunes

But eventually they too have to let the quest for glory to go.There are examples of people reaching top but couldn't avoid the life of frustration.

Glory is nice when it lasts but usually never lasts long.Eventually the success or failure depends upon the inherent dynamics of the actualization of potentials and their capacity to master the art of learning and growing.

Mine was a journey with little that is no ambition and divine intervention made me to evolve as a mad teacher with all passion and a sense of dedication and involvement in work.

I enjoyed that world of solitiude and company of students and loyalty to honesty and work ethics always lifted my spirits and despite setbacks and inimical work environment I survived .My feet were always implanted on the ground, measuring my steps and not compromising my values and dignity. 

We are all prisoners of habit and circumstances and destiny and therefore we are different every day

There are so many special things that I ought to be doing every day...but not knowing what it's . Even while I am fully aware of a host of things to be done  there's no zest to carry out and I find helpless and clueless.

For ages and centuries I have been indulging in an act of setting right many things before they go out of control..indeed I am afraid I am distanced from many things already and I am lost, like a child on the thousand mile journey in the middle.

I trust that all of us are not what we were yesterday.we cling to the past and derive some substitute gratification.

Then we do also realise that it is futile to be tied with the past and get conditioned by emotional demand of others.

But we crave for them from others, relations or firends

Many of the things happening around me should not be happening but I can't stop it as it is beyond my reach and my capabilities.

My academic greed or life expectations are bare minimum and following the dictum of Goethe, I would like to hear a little music , read a good poen, see a fine picture and if possible speak a few reasonable words..

My life is neither a success or failure..I have lived a full life tasting it's bitterness and sweetness.

I could feel the invisible hand of not Adamsmith but God many a time who really rescued me from all kinds of danger and evil.

I was destined to be a teacher and I did that job creditbly well to the satisfaction of my soul... There's nothing like success or failure.Each is an experience by itself..

There were long spells of academic distress but compensation came in the form of financial fortune and  later the roles were reversed.

I know before I get fused with mother earth I will be undergoing a great deal of transformation but the inner core will remain in tact without getting disturbed..It might be shaken a little bit but historically given genes and my instinct in trusting human having affection spontaneously for others and also enjoying being together will sail me through peacefully and gracefully..

Regardless of the phase of life I am entering into one thing is certain I will not lose faith in the supreme and karma..

I am just a puppet in the drama of life.

I will try my level best from the tone of the voice and the brightness of the smile on my black face  I will rveal that I am in good mood and good health no matter what I am undergoing at a given moment.

It is said that one should gradually mature in life and be like the tamarind fruit inside a shell existing but detached 

I can't leave all the desires for good food and I will moderate it by eating what I like  and alet the food fight it out inside.The same is the case with the accumulation of  my academic debris...I will try to delink and get rid of myself from worldly attachments even while I am in it.

More importantly I want to go out in my own way to be extremely friendly with fellow humans as I had been all along in my life .

Talking about weather and sex

Everybody talks about weather, but nobody even does anything about it.With sex from scientific point of  view it was the other way around.Everybody acts sexually, but nobody talks mch about it....

Is it an old saying..it is a sentence I have taken down from a novel, the title of which I do not remember.Torn between an undeniably sexual interest and a fear of acting out fantasies, she hardly dared to admit  to..... the sentence moves like this...

I want to tell a good saying: 

If you are without wife or a widower make it a point to submit all your sex impulses to work.That will not only save you from falling into dirt and filth but also bring the best in you

Coreecf me if I am wrong.This does not imply that given an opportunity and a sense of reciprocity with all civility and cultured behaviour you can act out and translate your sexual interest in the most uninhibited manner..while this is feasible in a typical western environment ,there are impediments for everyone to attain sexual sanity, stability and equilibrium...

Second time I watched the movie Kilometres and kilometres , a Malayalam movie which addresses this question in a more polite and polished way.....how love flowers between the US lady tourist and the debt ridden typical young fellow without income but having all the technical skills under the sun...

Like weather, sex is real and it's high time everone especially the young, living alone  for want of partners understood its relevance and they should have freedom to choose their partners crossing the borders of caste and religion if they happen to be barriers.

In the movie there is a healthy and dignified distance between the two and indeed the girl is selfish arrogant and does not hesitate to say that money is everything and relations are nothing...

There's a dramatic shift in their feelings for each other and the narrative is neat and clean..in real life falling in love like this will be a far cry but I can only wish that humans are not made to live single and  right permutation and combination must also exist and evolve like breathing in a typical sangam literature variety.

How Writing had coexisted along with my reading for teaching and it was a kind of therapy all through my life

Realising fully and forcefully the inexorable pressure of diminishing time ,writing was the only relief and prop to an uncertain and precarious future, says Anthony Burgess(1917-1953),who turned out prodigious output.Writing is not like reading or lecturing on the stage and it's far more difficult and everyone can't write as he reads or speaks.I am glad that I did write continually not just about economics but also jotted down my thoughts and express my feelings without any inhibition or  censorship.

In my academic journey The Hindu Business Line gave me the much needed space to express freely  about the contemporary national and international macroeconomic and monetary situation.Special mention must be made to Dr J Srinivasan of The Hindu group for his meticulous editing and his value addition made a sea of difference  in conveying the essentials.

Besides writing on crucial economic issues  I had cultivated  the habit of writing diary right from college days and they helped me to find solace, relief and blissful peace.

More particularly writing enabled me to give voice to my feelings and helped to increase my emotional regulations.

In the retirement period, in the absence of wife and also preferring to live alone in my thoughts, I understand the value of reading and writing and they make me

 comfortable even while being alone . There's no loneliness.

I have done more journaling and indulged in writing diaries without being aware that it was a kind of therapy  and I had the space to express myself freely.The old age also makes me to reflect more on life ...

I am changing for the better, leaving behind many bitter experiences, treating them as the manure for my growth

More importantly, I write the way I speak and I do not speak or write unless I am clear about the subject in question I am handling..

To this village boy the supreme has given a passion and some diligence to manage the academic side, to the rlative neglect of finance and family..By his grace that was taken care of through my sweet and responsible girl who was more sensible and intelligent than me..

Thinking and imagining about a girl through economic lense, ie via commonsense

A girl is like a river,clean gently flowing river

Life flows in her and glows

Without her presence as life partner

Life giving force there is neither life nor love

Like nature she is full of life love and grace 

She is like a beautiful rose with the thorn

Small wonder then she has both fragrance and

Her sense of autonomy and freedom of action

You can neither wound nor offend her finer sensibility

So there's opportunity cost in marrying and living

A lot of give and take, great deal of tolerance, patience and perseverance and real understanding that she is not

Commodity or thing  to play with and show custom driven

Arrogance  and dominance over female body as his territory at his will, unmindful of her likes and dislikes

While loving a girl or getting  trapped by arranged marriage

Kindly remember the cost benefit on the emotional quotient and lament thereafter:

 Not being able to do what we thought or

Not being able to think what we did

Getting an ideal partner is just like searching for 

Full moon on all days of the month,

The age old saying that in friendship ones patience

Sustains friendship between the two also holds good

Is more relevant on marital waters.

When one is momentarily insane the other muse excessive

Patience and exercise utmost restraint on tongue

And wait for a moment to laugh away the problem

Shedding ego and the one who initiates first to defuse the tension,

Invariably is the winner of the game and saviour of life game

Traditional rivers have gone dry or disappeared

And looted and raped by inhuman development

Native rose is no longer there

Divorce has become a catch word or phrase

Which crops up at the slightest excuse in hitech

Glass curtain economy

More than the  girl the boy has to invest time in 

Understanding the girl and provide freedom.

All said and done ,where is the girl for eligible bachelors

Real bachelors doing tapas for a girl with all prayers

Suddenly girls have become scarce and not reachable

By decent and honest means and caste barriers play

 The road block draining life of many youngsters..

Will rivers flow and traditional roses thrive and  give life

To the broader humanity

I repeat girl, like nature rejuvenates life force 

And help create a better world as articulated by

Sangam literature

A letter to my Motherland from Adelaide 1

My dear Motherland

It is my honour and privilege to write from a land  Australia a continental world within a world, where your children thrive and survive rendering work earning livelihood without the oppressive hand of bureaucracy and regulatory mechanisms.A beautiful country with incredible coastlines and hospitable people.

Unlike my parents and grandparents I was born in your womb when you were freed from British rule.You had become independent then and our first PM who built you from the scratch, and evolved as great statesman of international repute is now ridiculed by political upstarts and illiterate in economics not aware of  the nuances of devaluation or demonetization but having an inflated ego and misplaced arrogance to fool the people for long  by telling lies and cumulative lies.

When I type this letter Sri Lanka is burning in the wake of deep seated economic and political crisis and this is a lesson for any power mongering politician leading life with the escort of thousand cars, and virtually sapping the energy, sensibility and dignity of people by savage taxation and papering the rich and the corrupt..

Let me go to the text..

You are a vibrant nation, more young and more spiritual as compared to other nations in the world . Yes my dear, great mother land, union of States rich in diversity and different culture..while others are ageing you have a youthful population

In technical language of economics you have the favourable demographic dividend, meaning large youthful workforce which must help generate more output and employment and GDP must make a Quantum jump.In the language of Lawn Tennis it is advantage India..

Oh my dear are you in that position?Is the suggestion mooted in some circle,....go and sell pakoda will be a right way of exploitating your potential as if there's nothing in your bosom to raise fruitful jobs..

I can only remember Poet Bharathi and Pattukottai kalyanasundaram and lament how honesty is penalized and dishonesty is given bonus a la C N Annadurai.

To be continued.

concluding part of the piece....Is God playing a game of Dice?

That science article observed that Quantum mechanics  disturbed  many people by stating that all our conscious act would boil down to  nothing more than the consequence of chance.

Faced with this quandry, a kind of strange paradoxical situation one might well ask as Einstein did  what the hell in heaven's name  is going on  here anyway?

Things that happen more often are likely to be the things that have more ways of  happening. This simply means probability is as much a shaper of things as gravity.

Let me come to the concluding part of my notes:

Before Quantum mechanics came along Physicists from Newton's time onward held that the behaviour of planets and presumably of people is well could be calculated if only one had enough information.

But this neat and certain universe of Newton's made people little more cogs in the grand machine with little choice about their actions and no responsibility for the consequences.

This it posed problems,  disturbing questions for the behaviour in the notion of free will

Concluded

I remember to have read something about Stephen Hawking  T O E ie Theory of Everything

I will try to locate and read from the net if Tim permit or somebody could write in Facebook.

Is God playing a game of dice ?

Einstein told once: God does not play a game of dice with the universe.He may be subtle but is not malicious.

While commenting on science Newton says it is a body of natural laws and once they are properly understood events can be linked to their causes I a logical way.

But in contrast , he adds that in universe operating without Nature's guiding hand what happens next does not depend upon what went before.The orbits of the planets and the behaviour of people would have no more meaning in logic than the role of a roulette wheel.

From the article I read long ago I understand that atomic particles do not obey the Newtonian laws of cause and effect and they are governed by dictates of chance, nothing but the luck of the table.

Then comes Quantum Mechanics.It opines that if atoms or their components are controlled by what seems like whimsical probability, the behaviour of apples, planets, dice and everything else made up of atoms must be based on probability. Even perhaps human behaviour

To be continued...

These notes were unearthed a few days back and to people like me who are not well informed in science it might help and make them read further

If there's any flaw in the statement experts can point out

It was taken down many many years ago out of my curiosity about God playing a game of Dice?

what did Professor Samuelson s teacher say?

Once Samuelson s teacher said:The world has loved the farmer and hated the landlord and has hated the businessmen

When the businessmen do not adhere to social norms and do not obey the social rules of the game and tend to become exploitative they do not command any respect.

Market system which in essence symbolises the mixed economy will be ultimately judged  not by whether the brown or Black eyes of the businessmen are beautiful and whether his smile is beguiling but whether  the system delivers goods says the learner professor

All of us know that Market economy or system has an inherent discriminatory bias against the poor and in favour of the businessmen.

It has gained more momentum when the giant public sector units have failed to deliver faster and quicker  and drastic reversal has taken place in favour of private sector dominance

Now all of us know who is the major driver of big business and who is the prime mover of the drama.The people at large , especially those who are aware of Indian conditions that Market system might not be beautiful and it does work in varied mysterious ways  to the benefit of power brokers

The saddest part is the regulatory and protective wings of government have been supportive of the big business

And the government too does not have any sense of shame or guilt in behaving like a businessman a kind of thief in stealing money by hiking petroleum prices no matter whether the international price is soft or hard.

From the old academic debris of D Sam.

on Sexual politics and harassment and Male's mischief

I have already articulated my philosophical musing on sex, love and betrayal by men or women. Following is  from my old notes fused with some aspects of sexual politics as articulated in the columns of The Hindu long ago.Long ago in the month of January, year not known, there were series of letters on   sexual politics and harassment, triggered by one Ms Kavitha Rao who witnessed an inappropriate behaviour of a man at post office, who felt it appropriate to bare himself and rub against unsuspecting women in the queue.

Ms Rao says: she ,can't quite describe in words her initial outrage , her secondary disguest and her lingering sadness after this incident.

This provoked many letters.A few of the males added fuel to the fire by stating that female want total freedom which includes to go in the Wrong manner and so on and hence the feminist should not repeat the worn out accusition that man are treating women sex objects.

I noted down  in my diary at that time that there might be always inconsistencies and contradiction in portraying different viewpoints  regarding the sexuality issue.

The crude reality on the ground is that more than intelligence and  fine behaviour  on the part of girls in majority of the cases  their beauty strikes the opposite sex ,the male and if everything is within the limits of decency of appreciating at heart  it is ok ... no problem.

An equally important fact is that sexually attractive women do appear in advertisement and cinema and they are basically projected as commodities for sexual gratification.

Films are made to expose the anatomy of women as if it were  the discovery of America and glorify it.invariably with a few exceptions  ,in television advertisement women are featured  more sexually and treated as objects and commodities.

The sexually starved  and also mentally deranged ,insane male segment do mistakenly think that especially in a drunken state like a monkey that  women  can be grabbed and meshed at will.For many unmarried and unemployed people  or the sons of VIPs devilish and degrading lustful desire dominate  and overwhelm and these women provide continues titaliation and commercialized sexuality to them.

In an organised or lgalised sex or flesh market if everything is taking place for a fee  with all reciprocity no-one will question....But  the incidents quoted in post office or at  work place when the perception of women as a decorative pieces and they can be played with by showering some favours or promotion are  a matter of concern.

Small wonder then the commoditification of women and treating as as mere sexual objects is central to the ideology of male domination in most of the cases which actually made a cause for women's exclusion from the commanding heights of public space.

Ruminating over life. From my dateless Diary: concluding part

Harrassed by betterhalf we sulk and suffer.Lured by the charm and tenderness of children we overcome despair and enjoy heavenly bliss.We climb up the ladder of success and win promotion. We lose jobs, and take up the better ones and continually inflict greater demands on ourselves and sometimes crave for Academic honour or administrative recognition and reputation.

With the ageing process and or prolonged ailments parents die,children build their home and sometimes leave the country for better prospects. Every one is busy in the world of their own and so long as kindness and affection float in the molecule of brain and there's mutual concern and respect for eàch other and boundless love unites, the life is worth rewarding and fulfilling.

While  we reflect in tranquility the whole life appears to be a one of dream, a long dream. Within this big dream of the drama of life  we have our dreams memory dreams of the past and eager dreams of the future, the lure of wonder about nature as also of the opposite sex, a vigour of emotions and a child like quality of curiosity and imagination of what next.

We can neither understand nor unravel the mysterious nature of life .Nor can we escape the injuries and injustice of time ,no matter how good or bad you are.. we must be prepared to experience both joy as well as sorrows and develop an attitude of children.

Yes Nature and children lighten our heart and give emotional anchor.Children are the most attractive one, curious, eager attentive sensitive quick and generally congenital jor harbouring ill-will or enemity perpetually.

We neither have the time or mindset or patience to be in the midst of fun filled world of children. We should lead such a simple life as if we were children in a village or on the mountain side, happy to be together and flight ourselves in the simplest joys of life savouring fresh and frugal food and leading the most honest life.

Without money, fame or power many innocent village and mountain folks are healthy and happy and they remain content with what they can attain with their skill set.

Can anyone take away from them their richness, inner strength and independence that the nature has bestowed upon them. Are we humble enough in our behaviour and  simple in our life style to lead a life of simplicity, frugality and honesty, aligning with nature and absorbing fresh air and water?

Concluded

Ruminating over life From my dateless Diary

When people are beaten by injustice or injuries of time  they feel grey dejection, secret rage  and desire to cry, lamenting over the emptiness and nothingness of life .Being torn away from close relationship or experiencing poverty of love, worry, fear, procrastination and self distrust bows their hearts and turn the spirit back to the dust.

While depression lasts only for a short period then it becomes no more than a passing frown and will not be a matter of concern.But life reveals it's good and bad phases continually and you expect the least expected and find it difficult to accept or digest. Like an uncharted territory life reveals its story  one moment at a time always reserving surprises both pleasant and ugly.

It is human fraility to suppose that a favourable wind will blow for ever and  summer time in their hearts.It is only after repeated beating in life we realise that failures and collapses are the basic ingredients of the drama of  life and that the essence of life is not always winning but also losing.

Therefore the important million dollar question that one should ask is not whether you are a success or a failure but whether you are a learner or a non learner..

Yes we shall to live with all the uncertainties, absurdities and unpredictability of life.

We will not get elated by the celebrities and their popularity

Nor we will look down upon those who are at bottom and low level of status and all disadvantages under the sun.

To be continued...

Ruminating over life...From my dateless Diary

At one stage of life we will realise that letting go is something all of us will have to go through.For sheer survival haven't we detached ourselves from the cosy and warm environment of mothers womb.

This obvious central truth of delinking and a sense of detachment continue all through our life  from the birth for the good of humanity.

We leave the neighborhood we know for acadmic growth or to make our parents happy.The same spirit to trade off in life continues to penetrate while deciding to love and marry.

Yes despite academic pressure or corporate success, life moves on with marital success or failure with or without love.we read in the paper, many bright economically independent women pretend to have  a perfect marriage  even as they suffer daily spousal abuse and vice versa.

One might ask why with all independence and economic empowerment these women tolerate the abuse and the plausible answer could be the stigma of a broken marriage to contend with and or some lingering faint hope that the partner can be reformed through love .

Apart from marital bliss or pain there are also times when we get rocked by inexplicable mental agony over financial or physical loss... suddenly we feel that lights are falling and shadows are growing darker all around and that we alone are encircled and singled out by the Destiny..

To be continued

From my academic debris

From my dateless Diary , The first day of the forty first year in service,7/08/2010

I look back at the road I had walked through Economics bin the last four decades.At discreet time interval I had experienced many a time ten minutes fame, finest academic triumphs and also the cruelest humiliations. In sum there was more joy than sorrows.

I know I had not engineered any earthshaking invention or contribution or innovative ideas.But with tremendous strength of character and conviction I can say loudly that I practiced more the than the optimal work ethics and more importantly I took the teaching profession with all sincerity and seriousness and my passion for teaching has never waned even for a day, single day.

Like Cleopatra Economics made me hungry even while it satisfied.Like a labourer, artist or ordinary painter I was doing my job;it was more of a tapas under chaos .

I had always experienced  some sort of pressure or struggle at work place.Though basically gentle and non interfering in other's affairs and tended to shy away from political game, it was my fate that there were times I found myself embroiled in situation that had seemed to go out of control and become a victim.

But all through the series of the crisis I did not reciprocate hate politics and didn't attempt to commit suicide when my legitimate academic entitlements were denied and glossed over on spurious and technical grounds.All these gave me the much needed perspective and understanding of life and people.

Now when I type by listening to Tamil old cinema songs I want to add that the retired athelete has nothing to prove.

He still will have a zest for sports related activities.I am still in it, albeit in a modest way with the spirit.

I am neither retired nor tired.My physical ailments have not stood in the way of reinventing and rededicating myself to learn new things.

Even now I feel like a old student of 1960s and 1970s, and a child and poet in me will take care and protect my innocence,and residual commonsense which is nothing  but economics as was once told by my professor V Sasankan in my B A class.

The fear of death :written on 21 April 2005 ,corrected on 29/11/2021 after returning from Adelaide and typing today

The theme is not afraid of death, but unwillingness to die.

It was written long ago.Most of my writings are drawn from my life experiences and also centring around the politics and economics behind the corporate driven economy and growing criminality venality and amorality in business, politics, inclusive of acdemics.

Poem

All of us  are destined to die one day, any day

At any time, anywhere by some means,

Natural or accidental,but just inevitable, the only

Certainty in life,...

As a finance minister, confroned with a severe balance of payments crisis and ballooning fiscal deficits can't

avoid a massive devaluation of the currency and can't

choose the timing and the percentage of  devaluation

We too, mere mortals can't have a date with destiny

As per our preference and convenience

Fifteen lakh gold threaded coat and extravagant thousand

Cars culture following the leaders

Will not cannot come to any rescue..

But the other day I didn't want to die,

It was really a strange feeling, a stupid wish, absurd

And I know it is an impossibility theorem

And the inner meaning must have been the deep thought

In the unconscious mind  to leave behind something

Substantial, academically and also  as a person 

Who will abandon the serenity of Pondicherry and 

the seductive influence of economics .

This was triggered by a dream wherein my artist friend

A former student once in TAC ,who had the honesty and 

Sense of humour to say after my   class, on the first day

On transfer from Karaikal, (another conclave of UT),

Sir, I like your heart, and I love you very much,and 

I also love your way of teaching macro, but but

I can't sit in the classroom because we don't have the habit

Of  not sitting in the class continuously.

It is a different story altogether when a prominent writer in 

Pondicherry my friend,for more than for almost four dccades on the beach  was introducing this gentleman

He is a great artist and also worked with Director Bharathiraja and so on my boy with all shyness told my friend :sir he was my professor, in my Third year BA during emergency period much to the embarrassment of

Professor Panju who has been getting a host of awards and also actively engaged in the Tamil literally arena

He only died in my dream, which almost looked real

And cried in the dream and once it dawned upon me

It was all a dream  what a relief it was.

The special bond and inexplicable affinity towards him

Could have triggered the idea, I don't want to die.

Each one of us is an achiever..we shall be proud that each one of us is an achiever

The one thing that unites all human  beings , regatdless of gender ,age ,religion, or ethnic background is that we all believe that we are above average drivers.

No need to compare, immitate and become somebody else.we need not dance to anybody's tune  and erase our identity and autonomy.

We are what we are and all us not only look different, but we  are really different.we shall be more proud of this fact that we are so.

Each one of us is an achiever.Among the millions of sperms generated in a particular ejaculation in a God directed and conditioned drama of life only one sperm succeeds to penetrate the egg in the womb and outsmarts others.

Gentlemen, you are in the  million having won the race and evolved as  something special and unique...A marvellous creation of God.

More than our work, and accumulation of wealth and also the knowledge what matters most is how far we succeed in our life to help others I whatever way we can and render service to society .

Economics and politics works through us but  most of us have abdicated our rights and  responsibilities and have b ecome passive spectators and thrown the accelerator and the brake to the criminalised politicians(exception is there)  and also insensitive and corrupt cogs in the administrative macine.

Instead of becoming a joint venture of the honest and the good  democratic experiment has degenerated into moneymaking lottery machine wherin the outcome is fully known for those who enjoy power  but  completely uncertain and arbitrary for the  vast sea of population ,being sucked into the grinding poverty and critical inability to find a job which will keep the fire alive in the kitchen.

When are we going to  be achievers in checkmating those  corrupt politicians and also businessman holding 250 crores cash in multicoloured Modi's new money which in the considered judgement of three times CM and formerly  tea vendor turned politician whose mass appeal especially in the north is simply incredible.

We shall not lose confidence in fighting all kinds of injuries  and injustice of time , the expression I learnt yesterday