Revisiting the letter to Mother on Death Bed- Part Three

For almost a decade,
You are with me,
But were you really here?
The flesh was here, and
The spirit and atman
All your inner feelings were there.
Did I remain with you,
When you were here?
Did I show love and respect
In abundant measure?
Or atleast in a Moderate Dose?
Did I think about you,
And spend more time with you
And took care of you?

When I recollect all those
Spent years, wasted years,
I can tell with clean conscience;
I have not handled you properly
Now I can only lament and cry
And can’t even write coherently
About my cumulative lapses,
Although they were unintended consequences
You deserved a ‘better deal’
A typical Keynesian New Deal
But I was too naïve enough
To immerse in my
Sea of anxiety, sorrow and despair
The Result:
There was progressively, a sense
Of Distance, an inexplicable anger
A harsh treatment
Wounding of your innocent
And finer sensibilities and feelings
And so on.

And yet, they were neither deliberate
Nor intentional.
You are to be partly blamed for
My ‘wrong behavior’ and ‘attitude’
Like your strong genes in your body
You had your weak spots.
The tendency to get attention,
Full attention from ‘us’
That ensuing act, continual act
Got ingrained into your system
And became a part of personality;
With ageing process
I got legitimacy and got deeply
Entrenched, but still
I did not get wisdom,
With my aging process
I could not understand your own
Senility and helplessness
Of your falling and failings
Only that Great fall,
Opened up my eyes
And that was too late
To repair, to redress,
To make all amends.
But by divine grace, you are alive
September 11, December 5th or 6 th ,
Have become significant dates
In the U.S. and Indian History
Their current History