Thinking of Death; Its both Intimidating and Enchanting –From My Dateless Diary (mid 2009)

Today for a few minutes,
I ruminated over death
How I would feel,
When it embraces me
And what would happen
‘To me’, thereafter
The solid fact that
One day, we would kiss this world
And say good bye,
Is both terrifying and refreshing

Will all our restlessness and uneasiness
At long last come to an abrupt end
Or will it be a new and another
Beginning for another round of
Blissful experience and despair?
A series of cycles of birth and death.
Thank god,
Excepting the saintly souls,
Ordinary mortals like
Are deprived of this knowledge
It’s better to be ignorant than intelligent
In this arena

But going back to death,
Is it either an intimidating or
A kind of enchanting game?
What did my mother think
At the time of death?
A sight I couldn’t bear
And a kind of suffering that should not
Have visited her.

My father had all the feelings
And remembrance about me
On that fateful night,
Fully unaware that
In the next few hours,
He was going to dissolve
Into cosmos

At the time of Father’s death
I didn’t cry and weep for days
As I did when my
Mother left me.
She was all solidity
And lived for long.
Nearly two decades after my dad got delinked from us
With moistured eyes,
I can only feel more about my lapse
For my parents now.
Where are they now?
They come in my dreams
Very rarely,
Will they interact, when
I exit from here?
I long for it
Fully knowing that
That is an impossibility.